For the past year, roughly, I've been riding the nostalgia train hard on horror and video crap, gorging myself on pre-90's horror in marathon fashion(ever seen Fade to Black? http://youtu.be/3tDWzSOVoB0). This type of behavior isn't new for me, I used to plunder the local video stores(and not so local ones) every chance I got, which was often, taking advantage of a deal which was pretty common at independent video stores: 5 movies, 5 days, 5 dollars.
Ah, shitty beauty.
Now I'm all grown up and I don't want to fall back into patterns of addiction. I'm hoping this blog helps. I'll always watch a lot of garbage but now I'm going to write about that garbage. I'm hoping to gain a little perspective and turn my passive viewing tendencies into something a little more active.
I've always valued quantity over quality(my undying love of The Queers "Day Late and A Dollar Short" a shining example http://youtu.be/HczPJVnu_UU) so I've decided to post 10 short reviews at a time. It's my 5 movies, 5 days, 5 dollars, except it's free and there's no time limit! I've improved on perfection. Oh, and there might be some links and music too. Wow! It's like a box of Fruity Pebbles, as if the cereal isn't delicious enough, there are jokes on the back of the box!
I've always wanted a rating system of my own(after owning Video Hound's Golden Movie Retriever which rated films in bones and gave the worst of the worst a "woof!". Sadly the Video Hound blog is no longer being updated but if you want to visit the grave and see a cool picture of a dog with sunglasses: http://www.movieretriever.com/ ) but it's been harder than I imagined to think one up. I'm going to experiment over the next few posts and see what sticks. This week in honor of a snack I made myself around the time of the completion of this post I will be rating films in Goya crackers/galletas. The scale will be from 1 to 5 crackers in half a cracker increments(1/2 being the only acceptable percentage seeing as I would never take a bite smaller than half a cracker). If you want to be fully immersed in my world while reading this I suggest topping some Goya crackers with strawberry preserves and sriracha.
LET'S GET FUNKY!
Dracula(1931) 3 Crackers: The first 30 minutes chronicling Renfield's journey to and arrival at Dracula's castle, and the subsequent evening he spends there on that immortal night, are nightmarishly beautiful. Some of the cutting focuses on image over continuity and seems to have an almost subliminal effect, something outside of the usual chronological narrative flow. Something akin to Dracula's mesmeric stare, images are repeated and we are gladly returned to the firm but seductive grip of Lugosi's stare. In the beginning, the image is all important, maybe this was a part of what created such a strong and lasting "Dracula" iconography, solidifying the iconography and iconic status of Harker's arrival. The arrival of Johnathan Harker at Castle Dracula, in this case Renfield is substituted for Harker, is one of the most lasting portraits of dread and the unknown ever to be written or filmed, and this story is told with a calm, gothic clarity and performed with cool, stone cold beauty by Bela Lugosi and Dwight Frye. This sequence is a purely terrifying, claustrophobic nightmare in Murnau's Nosferatu. Browning's depiction of Harker's arrival is a romantic nightmare, a seduction, otherworldly, spacious, haunting, gothic, in short darkly beautiful.
Most of the rest of the film is an overly talky bore. One exchange however seems to sum up Dracula's identity and place in pop culture throughout the past 50 years. When Lucy expresses her fascination with the Count, Mina suggests she find someone more "normal" to focus her attention on. Lucy disagrees. Dracula is the alternative. He's not Jonathan Harker; he's not normal. Dracula, to many, represents an attractive alternative to what is safe, Dracula is the alternative to "normal." Dracula is weird.
The scene: http://youtu.be/Gqr3yzr64V4
The Invisible Man(1933) 4 1/2 Crackers: Claude Rains is excellent. The film is funny, economic, and filled with impressive effects. Brief and enjoyable with ATTITUDE. This ride starts fast and never slows down. Highly Recommended.
White Zombie(1932) 4 Crackers: Somber and frightening. The first glimpse we catch of the living dead in this film, as distant figures descending a dark hill, is truly frightening.
There are some stylish and strong images and moments in this early independent horror, most notably the hypnotically cut and staged entry into Lugosi's mill, the internment of Madge Bellamy's body and my personal favorite, the voodoo doll scene in which Lugosi quite cheerfully and patiently carves an effigy and then burns it under the watchful eye of a nearby raven.
The score is sparse(not unusual for the time and for the scale of the production) and this adds tremendously to the power of pure imagery found in the best moments of "White Zombie."
The film gets a little stiff, but there are enough unforgettable moments to make this a very creepy late-night watch.
The whole film is on youtube but here's the trailer if you're on the fence: http://youtu.be/tQV7wOg3hYQ
Werewolf of London(1935) 3 1/2 Crackers: Great werewolf make-up and a tastefully reined in expressionism in certain scenes. Good performances, but not great, and a little too much comic relief in parts (the comic drunks' tomfoolery wears thin almost immediately). Overall a good watch, but particularly for the exceptionally stylized werewolf scenes and for the use of the word "werewolfery".
Revolt of the Zombies(1936) 1 Cracker: BORING. A good example of a bad B-movie that is actually bad. Clumsy, too talky, and not enough of anything you're looking for. A terrible follow-up to Halperin's incredible "White Zombie," lacking all the style and nightmarish dread found in the aforementioned film. Beware … but not in a spooky way. For a much better B-grade zombie-related outing check out "Valley of the Zombies," which is fun in the way B-movies can be when they are not incredibly stylish and well done ("White Zombie," "Carnival of Souls," etc…).
Here's the whole movie if you're feeling masochistic: http://youtu.be/AL8DpKF6Xs4
Sugar Hill (1974) 3 Crackers: Great sequences in a netherworld of sorts. Some genuinely scary and unsettling stuff, particularly with Baron Samedi (Don Pedro Colley) and the zombies, wide-angle close-ups and some lonely locales. Unfortunately the rest of the film is fairly flat. The real-world revenge storyline is serviceable but that's about all. Worth seeing for Samedi and the zombies, especially when Samedi turns up where and when he's not expected, a la the Crypt Keeper.
Master of Disaster (a.k.a. Treasure Hunters) (1981) 3 1/2 Crackers: An action-filled kung fu comedy from the Shaw Brothers' studio that follows in the footsteps of Jackie Chan's late '70s and early '80s successes in the realm of fusing kung fu and comedy (particularly "The Fearless Hyena" and "Young Master." "Master of Disaster" is highly reminiscent of these films in its tone, scope, and episodic construction). The choreography is impressive and most of the time crisp and well executed. Unfortunately a few of the fights go on a little too long (I'm shocked! I never thought that would be a complaint I would lodge), and become a bit tedious. That's not to say some of the fights aren't dynamic and don't contain smaller "movements" (wooden men being used as a weapon, Fu Sheng gluing himself to Yang Ching Ching in order to thwart her attacks, etc…) within the larger sequences, but this isn't true for every fight sequence and a few get stale.
The comedy is right on the money: broad, childish, and unapologetically goofy. If you're uninitiated in the world of Hong Kong wackiness, this might be a good place to start. All the comedy is fairly effective and the silliness is not unprecedented or uncharacteristic. If it leaves a bad taste in your mouth, then this kind of kung fu craziness probably isn't for you.
P.S. The dubbing in this film, like many of the kung fu films of the period, is awesome and British.
This holiday season I wanted to celebrate on MY TERMS. This involved listening to a lot of The Damned (strangely they remind me of Christmas http://youtu.be/eiq-pAtuFCc) and holiday punk, reading a Fear Street novel ("Cheerleaders: The New Evil") set around the holidays(and featuring Santa on the cover, clearly promising some killer Santa action, but to my disgust delivering barely any Santa at all) and re-watching some holiday horror treats. Hands down the best XMAS of all time.
Here's what to my wondering eyes did appear.
Silent Night Deadly Night (1984) 4 1/2 Crackers: One of my favorite films. I love when movies are made where you don't make movies, in this case Utah. Painfully tacky wood panelling, sleepy snow-capped mountains, ultra-drab, just fucking beautiful. Outrageous, far-fetched simplistic trauma-based psychology, guilt, shame, murder, and Santa. I love this film. In a word "Punish." Awesome performances take this baby to the next level (my personal faves being Grandpa and Britt Leach as Mr. Sims). A great collection of awesome shit (kills, dialogue, outfits, photography) helps you remember how scary and TACKY Christmas can be. Oh, and as far as soundtracks go, you'd be hard pressed to find one better/worse.
Don't Open Till Christmas (1984) 2 Crackers: Weird and dreary British film about someone out to snuff Santas around X-mas time. Some pretty direct and ruthless violence as well as some good ol' sleaze, but both fail to save this snore-fest. The photography is a bore and the performances fall somewhere between "kind of funny" and annoyingly inept. Cinematic Ambien, but due to the high Santa content it's still adequate holiday viewing.
Christmas Evil (a.k.a You Better Watch Out) (1980) 3 1/2 Crackers: A somewhat surreal journey into the mind of a pathetic factory foreman pushed too far. This film is bleak and unapologetically dark. Heavily stylized lighting and sets caught me off-guard, as did the overly grave tone. Christmas Evil follows Harry Stadling's "transformation" and descent into murderous Kringle-dom in unnerving detail. Quite Unexpected. Not very fun but that's one of the film's biggest strengths and what makes it stand apart. Definitely worth checking out, especially around X-mas.
3 comments:
Well done sir. Your opinion and knowledge of the above films are only slightly overshadowed by your impeccable use of grammar and punctuation.
Thank you!
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